The ENGINEER !

bodger · Post by **bodger** » Wed Nov 12, 2008 2:20 pm

Understanding Engineers - One

Two engineering students were walking across a university campus when one said, "Where did you get such a great bike?"
The second engineer replied, "Well, I was walking along yesterday,minding my own business, when a beautiful woman rode up on this bike, threw it to the ground, took off all her clothes and said,
"Take what you want."
The first engineer nodded approvingly and said, "Good choice; the clothes probably wouldn't have fitted you anyway."

Understanding Engineers - Two

To the optimist, the glass is half full. To the pessimist, the glass is half empty. To the engineer, the glass is twice as big as it needs to be.

Understanding Engineers - Three

A priest, a doctor, and an engineer were waiting one morning for a particularly slow group of golfers. The engineer fumed, "What's with those guys? We must have been waiting for fifteen minutes!"
The doctor chimed in, "I don't know, but I've never seen such inept golf!"
The priest said, "Here comes the green-keeper. Let's have a word with him."
He said, "Hello George, what's wrong with that group ahead of us? They're rather slow, aren't they?"
The green-keeper replied, "Oh, yes. That's a group of blind firemen. They lost their sight saving our clubhouse from a fire last year, so we always let them play for free anytime."
The group fell silent for a moment. The priest said, "That's so sad. I think I will say a special prayer for them tonight."
The doctor said, "Good idea. I'm going to contact my ophthalmologist colleague and see if there's anything he can do for them."
The engineer said, "Why can't they play at night?"

Understanding Engineers - Four

What is the difference between mechanical engineers and civil engineers?
Mechanical engineers build weapons and civil engineers build targets.

Understanding Engineers - Five

The graduate with a science degree asks," Why does it work?"
The graduate with an engineering degree asks, "How does it work?"
The graduate with an accounting degree asks, "How much will it cost?"
The graduate with an arts degree asks, "Do you want fries with that?"

Understanding Engineers - Six

Three engineering students were gathered together discussing who must have designed the human body.
One said, "It was a mechanical engineer. Just look at all the joints."
Another said, "No, it was an electrical engineer. The nervous system has many thousands of electrical connections."
The last one said, "No, actually it had to have been a civil engineer.
Who else would run a toxic waste pipeline through a recreational area?"

Understanding Engineers - Seven

Normal people believe that if it ain't broke, don't fix it. Engineers believe that if it ain't broke, it doesn't have enough features yet.

Understanding Engineers - Eight

An engineer was crossing a road one day, when a frog called out to him and said, "If you kiss me, I'll turn into a beautiful princess."
He bent over, picked up the frog and put it in his pocket.
The frog spoke up again and said, "If you kiss me I'll turn back into a beautiful princess and stay with you for one week."
The engineer took the frog out of his pocket, smiled at it and returned it to the pocket.
The frog then cried out, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a princess, I'll stay with you for one week and do ANYTHING you want."
Again, the engineer took the frog out, smiled at it and put it back into his pocket. Finally, the frog asked, "What is the matter? I've told you I'm a beautiful princess and that I'll stay with you for one week and do anything you want. Why won't you kiss me?"
The engineer said, "Look, I'm an engineer. I don't have time for a girlfriend, but a talking frog, now that's cool."
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CastleMGBV8 · Post by **CastleMGBV8** » Wed Nov 12, 2008 2:35 pm

Keith,

Thanks nice bit of humour, particularly like the Frog one.

In the automotive version God was critisising Henry Ford on the design of the Model T, Henford retorted you can talk, when you created women why did you put the inlet so close to the exhaust.

Kevin.

chodjinn · Post by **chodjinn** » Wed Nov 12, 2008 6:54 pm

Haha seen them all before but still brilliant! I love being an engineer!

kiwicar · Post by **kiwicar** » Thu Nov 13, 2008 9:17 pm

I always liked
"what's the differance between a doctor and a civil engineer... Doctors kill in ones..."
Then they found what Harold Shipman had been up to, another good joke ruined.

Mike

ppyvabw · Post by **ppyvabw** » Fri Nov 14, 2008 10:25 am

Being engineers no one will approve of this one...(btw a prime number is one that is only divisible by 1 and itself)

When asked to prove the statement, 'Every odd number is a prime number'....

The mathematician said, '1 is prime, 3 is prime, 5 is prime, 7 is prime, 9.....erm damn the statement is false'

The physicist said, '1 is prime, 3 is prime, 5 is prime, 7 is prime, 9.....erm damn! Oh well, we'll put that down to experimental error. 11 is prime, 13 is prime.......'

The engineer said, '1 is prime, 3 is prime, 5 is prime, 7 is prime, 9 is prime 11 is prime.....'

RoverP6B · Post by **RoverP6B** » Sat Nov 15, 2008 8:36 am

Engineers, where would the world be without them!

Just on a mathematical note,....1 is actually not a prime number, while 2, even though it is even, is a prime number.

A prime number is defined as a positive integer that has exactly two positive divisors, 1 and itself. The list of primes starts with 2, 3, 5, 7, 11,...

thus every positive integer greater than or equal to 2 has a prime decompostion.

Mathematical induction can be used to verfiy this proof.

Ron.

ppyvabw · Post by **ppyvabw** » Sat Nov 15, 2008 8:32 pm

Yes of course, 2 as well, silly me. A maths PhD student shouldn't have forgotten the 2

You are correct, Technically 1 is not a prime number, but if I'd have left it out someone would have jumped up and said 'you forgot 1!!'.

Seeing as I screwed it up anyway it doesn't matter much

A mathematician taking the mickey out of engineers, but the mathematician ended up looking stupid.

Please let me off, I love engineering too

RoverP6B · Post by **RoverP6B** » Sat Nov 15, 2008 11:26 pm

No worries!

Do you mind if I ask....what is the topic for your PhD?

I have a 't' shirt with Maxwell's Equations in point form. I am waiting for a nice girl to say...."arn't they Maxwell's Equations? I have a feeling I may well be waiting for quite a while.

Ron.

ppyvabw · Post by **ppyvabw** » Sun Nov 16, 2008 2:52 am

I have a joke you might appreciate.....

What's purple and commutes?
ans: An abelian grape

I'll get my coat

Well it's theoretical particle physics. I'm finding infinite dimensional hidden symmetries in Yang-Mills theories and their lie algebra.

I am almost tempted to get Einstein's field equations tattood on my back. I'm generally not a fan of tattoos though but that would be kind of cool

ChrisJC · Post by **ChrisJC** » Sun Nov 16, 2008 9:10 am

ppyvabw wrote:I have a joke you might appreciate.....

What's purple and commutes?
ans: An abelian grape

If we're going for high-brow pedantry, should Abelian not have a capital A?

(same goes for Lie algebra).

Chris.

bill shurvinton · Post by **bill shurvinton** » Sun Nov 16, 2008 2:01 pm

Being really pedantic Engineer should have a capital 'E', at least for proper ones with letters etc.

Was introduced to this a few weeks back white and nerdy About half way through you might spot the Shroedinger equation. Some might spot the mistake...

ChrisJC · Post by **ChrisJC** » Sun Nov 16, 2008 2:16 pm

That'll be Schrödinger.

Chris.

topcatcustom · Post by **topcatcustom** » Sun Nov 16, 2008 6:19 pm

Whats the difference between precision engineers & mechanical engineers?

Precision engineers washe their hands after they've been to the toilet

Got told that by a precision engineer.....

ppyvabw · Post by **ppyvabw** » Mon Nov 17, 2008 2:51 am

ChrisJC wrote: If we're going for high-brow pedantry, should Abelian not have a capital A?
(same goes for Lie algebra).
Chris.

Actually no, not necassarily. Both 'lie' and 'abelian' are often written with small case letters despite being names.

One of the staff in my department said that you are truly successful when your work is referred to with a lower case letter.

Check out this site for cool engineering jokes! http://www3.baylor.edu/asme/jokes.htm