The V8 Owners Forum -

Hi All,

It's time for a bit of light hearted humour. As the title say's, have you got any funny stories to tell.

I'll be the first to go.

After putting my car back on the road I took it for a test drive & having no problems drove it back into the garage. Anyway a couple of days later I wanted to go for a spin but decided before hand to check the fluid levels.
All was well except the coolant level was down slightly as expected due to the last of the air having worked it's way out. No problem topped it up & away I went. After about a mile the low coolant light came on so I pulled over to check & found the expansion bottle was full to the top & all the hoses were rock hard. I thought to myself the systems pressurised (genius). So what the hell's causing it? I decided to drive it home & let it cool off before investigating. About an hour later I unscrewed the radiator cap (the system was still pressurised) & lots of air bubbles & foam came out. I scratched my head for a bit & then an idea came to me so I checked the cabinet where the antifreeze was kept. Guess what, two containers side by side. One had premixed antifreeze & the other was screenwash.

Oh well

At least your coolant system would be clean!

Funniest I remember was in my Vormula V days
I decided it was time to change the fuel filter and got under the car - there was a 2 brich high pit in the garage so lie down and pull car along to get to the right bit!

Anyway I get to work but the old filter did not want to come off so a bit of work with a stanley knfe and off it comes

I then realised I only had the filter under the car with me - I had left the 2 little rubber connection tubes top side.

BUT with the old filter off I had my finger over the pipe end to stop the stuff peeing out.

I lay there for about 20 minutes before my brother came out and asked what I was doing

I now understand why better tanks have the outlet at the top - so stop this sort of thing!

Ian

I rebuilt my engine with the usual loving care. Hooked it up, fired it up, lovely. Oil pressure good. Ran it up to temperature.

Started making funny noises.

I'd got the pipes on the remote oil filter reversed, so there was no oil flow whatsoever.

Time to re-rebuild!

Chris.

Building a 4.8 stroker for a guy and got to priming the oil pump.

Fitted my special non-patented oil pump priming thingy in my electric drill and started to spin the pump.

Waited patiently for oil to start bubbling at the rockers.....kept waiting.....and waited some more..... stepped round the side of the engine to get a better view and went arse over tits.........

Yup I'd forgotten to put the oil filter on

Hi Rosco,

I did something similar. Same as you, just finished rebuild. Engine on stand, oil pump priming tool in, heard the drill labouring as oil pump primed & after about 30 seconds the revs went up on the drill. It took a few seconds to realise I had forgotten to put the blanking plugs back in the lifter gallery & had just pumped 5 litres of oil into the cupboard.

Hi
This one is funny now (26 years on)
I was working on an ex girlfriend's renault 5 (the original one with the gearbox at the front) to replace the clutch for the second time... car up in axel stands so I could drop the gearbox out under the car, the only way to get the damn thing out was to get underneath and pull it down and waggle it side to side to get it under the front cross member..... the next bit happened very quickly. The gearbox suddenly came free so I pushed sideways with all my might so it missed my head, the car lifts up as the weight of the box is no longer compressing the front suspension, the box hits an axel stand and knocks it away, the car twists sidways and the other one gives up..... down comes the car fortunatly onto the railway sleeper I had put under the car roughly at the B pillers but still rocks far enough forward to land on my chest I was now on my back under the car with the renault gearbox by my ear and the car crushing the last of the air out my lungs. . . it is amazing how strong you can be, in one quick move I lifted the front of the car off my chest and somehow hauled myself out. fixed the clutch replaced the box and as said gilfriend did not see why I wanted her to get rid of the car chucked her all in the same week.
As I say it was 26 years ago and only now does it seem funny .
Mike

First go at tuning twin 40's on my old Alfa Romeo Guilia Bertone GTV - having a right game getting it to run properly so twiddling everything at the same time idle jets, balance screw, dizzy. I had been messing about with the car all day and it was getting dusk then whilst moving the dizzy which is on the same side as the carbs it spat back - no filter on and very rich the spit was what seemed like a quarter pint of flaming petrol all over the sleeve of my overalls and the inner wing of the car. The demented dance that followed with me waving my left arm and blowing at it like the wolf from the three little pigs whilst trying to beat out the flames in the engine bay with - yep you guessed it the oil and petrol soaked rag I had been using all day, was quite entertaining and illuminating in the falling light and provided a quite a show for my parents dog that had the full on cocked head look at the living room window.

Another was bike related - I had paid my sister to clean my bike - she did a great job but used Pledge not only on the seat but also on everything else including the brake discs ! yep you guessed it I jumped on the bike opened the throttle up and slid back on the seat opening up the throttle harder - Now KH400's are not slow I dragged myself up the seat and grabbed the brakes - expecting it to slow when applying the brakes it feels like the bike accelerates when they dont - it started slowing but not quickly enough came to end of road across junction up kerb and into hedge. Didnt even get a refund....

Andrew

Darkspeed wrote: Another was bike related - I had paid my sister to clean my bike - she did a great job but used Pledge not only on the seat but also on everything else including the brake discs ! yep you guessed it I jumped on the bike opened the throttle up and slid back on the seat opening up the throttle harder - Now KH400's are not slow I dragged myself up the seat and grabbed the brakes - expecting it to slow when applying the brakes it feels like the bike accelerates when they dont - it started slowing but not quickly enough came to end of road across junction up kerb and into hedge. Didnt even get a refund....

Andrew

Brilliant! PMSL!

On a similar bike note, a mate of mine had a track day bike which had both the main and sidestands removed. We'd just done something on the engine that meant it was covered in oil so with it running and me sitting on it he starts washing it all off. A couple of seconds later I'm sat in the middle of a fireball as it burst into flames. I stood my ground though, after all, We didn't want it falling over......

When I restored my first Land Rover after removed the body of the chassis I started to clean it with an angle grinder equiped with an twisted wire brush wheel.
I was on my back and I cleaned the lower part of the chassis.
I forgotten completely rear wiring loom were just posed on the top of the chassis.
Suddenly it slipped and rolled up around twisted wire brush wheel.
Wiring loom was transformed into whips on my hands.
I had no other solution than to wait until the angle grinder stops.
During one hour I coudn't feel my fingers any more.

Was helping a friend with his Formula Ford out in the good Zimbabwe days.

For the final race of the day the air temp had increased quite drastically and he decided he needed to go up a size on the weber jets.

so we get the jet pack and remove the jets one at a time and replace the units - except the last one which when unscrewed left the bottom piece in the carb.

10 mins left and with mate now strapped in and wanting to head out we decided easiest way to get offending item out was to turn car over - 4 BIG blokes and tipped Formula Ford over - just over vertical and offending piece of brass fell out

Fitted new jets and wiped up the fuel from the float breathers. Installed engine cover and gave him a push start.

Must have been a good fix as he came in 1st

Ian

Not quite on toppic, but it made me smile,

I was out up the garage yesterday pulling my engine apart to sort a very annoying oil leak, I had the garage door open head down arse up attitude, when two young lads walked past, Im guessing about 9-10, I overheard what they were saying,

"Wow, look in that garage" said one
the other replied " I know that car, its REALLY quick"
"Yeah, but what is it??" was the question,
"Errrr, Dunno, I think its an Aston Martin!!!!"

Now I have never seen an Aston in the shape of a Mk2 Cortina, but it must exist, and its quick,

Another Oil related mishap;

Fitted newly built 331 SBF in the Mustang

Filled up with oil.

Took out oil switch to check when oil was circulating

Used drill and oil pump drive shaft to turn the pump to prime it.

Checks to see oil coming out of switch hole.

Fits distributor so oil pump will drive from engine.

With no plugs in turn over the engine to move the oil around.

Do you know how much oil a pump can push out an open switch hole with just a few spins of the engine?

About half the contents of the sump judging by the lake on my drive.

.

not a car but i still cringe out with a few friends on our bikes a good few years ago we pulled up at the traffic lights in our local village right outside the local pub sun shining loads of girls drinking and sutting out enjoying the day , so i decided to be mr cool and see how long i could balance without putting a foot down anyway eventually had to put down the right foot leant the bike over only to fall straight onto the ground the bloody kick start lever had caught in the bottom of my jeans

buying the bloody thing in the first place

ppyvabw wrote:buying the bloody thing in the first place

only mine was free! Most expensive free car I have ever had