A few in one

Post any good jokes etc in here.

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unstable load
Top Dog
Top Dog
Posts: 1278
Joined: Mon May 04, 2009 6:53 am

A few in one

Post by unstable load »

A Kiwi is walking along the road with a sheep under each
arm. He meets another New Zealander who says "are you
shearin' mate?" and the first guy replies "nah they're both
mine. Go get yer own!"
______________________________________________

A bloke is driving happily along when he is pulled over by a
cop. The cop approaches him and politely asks "Sir have you
been drinking?" "Why?" snorts the man. "Is there an ugly fat
bitch in my car?"
______________________________________________

An environmentalist came into a mate's shop and bought a
few bits and piecess. "Would you like a bag for those?" the
mate asked as he began scanning his items.

"Only if they degrade." the greenie replied.

So he took a black marker pen and wrote on it "The person
carrying this bag is a stinking, worthless, hippy cnut."
______________________________________________

An Essex girl rushes to the gynaecologists and asks the
receptionist "Have I left my knickers here?"

The receptionist says no.

"Ok, I must have left them at the dentists then."
______________________________________________

A government report found that the U.K spends more than
£1 billion on redundant government programmes.
Another government report found that the U.K spends more
than £1 billion on redundant government programmes.
______________________________________________

A bloke pulls a girl in a nightclub and brought her back to
his place for a shag. Just as they were about to get down
to business she hesitated saying "I don't want to be just
another notch on your bedpost."

"Not to worry" he said as he slipped it in "I don't count the
fat ones."
______________________________________________

A wife ran her hand over his stomach and said "I'd really
prefer it if you had a 6-pack".

He replied "So would I".

"So are you going to do some exercise then?" she asked.

"No, you are" he said. "Now fcuk off to the bottle shop and
get me one.
______________________________________________

Bloke went to the library and no one came to help him find
a novel he was looking for, so he screamed at the nearest
librarian "Could you PLEASE help me find a fcuking book?"

"Yes" she replied "Karma Sutra, aisle three, top shelf."

________________________________________________________

A husband and wife go to the doctor to consult him about acute chest pains which she has been suffering.

After the consultation, the doctor asks to see the husband alone, and tells him :

"Your wife has acute angina."

The husband says : "I know that, she's got nice boobs too, but I don't see what that has to do with the pains in her chest."


Cheers,
John

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